Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
