Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
