My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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