I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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