): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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