What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
