you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
