Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
