I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
