I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
