Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
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Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
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I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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