Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
