if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
