Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
