I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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