i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
