totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
