He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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