i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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