Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
