i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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