Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize