words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
