can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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