Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
