I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
