Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
