No awkward lesbian experiences without me
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
