yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize