K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
