It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
