Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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