She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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