i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize