This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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