So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
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He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
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Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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