I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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