All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The Olympian is in my bed
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
