Apparently you make a good broom.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
