If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
