Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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