I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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