You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
