U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
