pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
