she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
