once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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