I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
