is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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