too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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