Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
