ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
