The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
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I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
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Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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