Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
