Just cropdusted the office
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
