2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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