Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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