You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
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Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
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Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.