Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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