she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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