Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
